Okay, so this might not be a post for everyone, but I felt compelled to write it nonetheless.

As a full-time working mom, I knew I had an uphill battle to continue breastfeeding once my maternity leave was over. I was determined to keep going, even though Iris was in daycare while I was in the office. My goal was always to make it six months, and thanks to my accommodating workplace, I reached my goal. It was an interesting journey though – and not at all how I expected.

When Iris was about four weeks, I started pumping and storing a supply of frozen breastmilk. At one point our freezer was literally full, as I became obsessed with making sure she would have enough once she started daycare. Thanks to my healthy supply, she was exclusively breastfed until three months old and at the three month mark, she had her first taste of formula. I was hesitant to give it to her, but once she sucked the bottle dry, I instantly felt relief. Relief knowing that if something were to happen and I couldn’t continue breastfeeding, she would be okay. It took the pressure off, which actually helped with the stressful demand of breastfeeding my hungry girl. From there, we occasionally gave her a bottle of formula at night, so that hopefully it would “stick” with her longer (at this point she was still only sleeping about 2 hours at a time). Truthfully that didn’t help at all, but it was nice to have my husband take some of the feedings. I must add that having the husband take over didn’t mean I got any extra sleep. The key was to pump whenever she took a bottle so that my supply wouldn’t change. So even when Todd fed her, I still made myself wake up and pump.

During Iris’ first month of daycare, I continued to breastfeed at night and on weekends. However, when she was about four months old things started to change. My theory is that Iris got so used to the instant gratification of the bottled breastmilk during the day, that she was too impatient to feed from me at night. It became a struggle, not a comfort for her. I finally came to terms with the fact that it was okay if she preferred a bottle. I could still provide that for her.

The most important thing was that she was getting breastmilk
- not how she was getting it.

So there I was, nearing six months since giving birth and I was doing something that I never understood before I had a baby – not breastfeeding technically, but still pumping thanks to my Medela Pump In Style Advanced. When people asked if I was breastfeeding, I honestly didn’t know how to respond. When I would say yes, they often talked about the bonding experience. While I certainly had that for a while, a big part of that was gone. When I said no, they assumed she was formula fed only. And when I tried to explain, I would get confused “hey-I-didn’t-need-to-hear-all-of-that” looks.

Pumping had just about taken over my life. When I got close to the six month mark, I finally stopped pumping during the night, but I still lugged my equipment with me to work and out of town when I traveled. It was the last thing I did before I went to sleep and the first thing I did when I woke up. Thankfully, I have my own office (and understanding co-workers), so I could just shut my door during the day and do my thing. At home, if I wasn’t pumping, I was busy washing all the bottles and parts. It certainly was a lot of work and during most of it, I was missing my favorite part – the bonding time with my baby. However there were other perks too. It was much easier to measure how much she was eating, plus the price of formula alone was enough to inspire me to keep going.

My everyday haul.

While the journey wasn’t an easy one on me, I was grateful that my circumstances allowed me to continue longer than a lot of other moms are able. Some moms don’t have jobs with an environment to continue and some moms find that they can’t breastfeed at all. I felt that I shouldn’t waste my opportunity to give my baby the benefits of breastmilk simply because it took some work. Believe me, there were more days than not, that I just wanted to stop and have my life back. No more thinking about my coffee intake or timing it just right so that I could have a beer. On the other end of the spectrum, six months might not seem like a long time for some mothers. But for my personal situation I feel comfortable in knowing that six months is a happy medium for both working momma and healthy baby.

I must say, that this experience was truly one of my first big lessons of how motherhood doesn’t always go as planned.

One of many, I’m sure…

Iris.
And photos.

Okay, I love a few more things too… like my husband, family, friends, and mashed potatoes. But let’s go back to the first two, which are combined to bring you one of my favorite posts of all time.

The week Iris turned six months old we were lucky enough to do a session with Benfield Photography. If you live in Northwest Arkansas, chances are you’ve drooled over their photos – I know I’ve been following their blog for a couple of years now. Excited is an understatement for how I felt when I found out they would be shooting Iris. Todd and I even got in on some of the shots, so now we have some really great family portraits that we’ll cherish forever. Iris was quite the ham during the shoot, which made for lots of cute (and pretty funny) photos.

Here are a few of my favorites, which they posted on their blog here and here. Very special thanks to Dale and Meredith, who are as sweet as they are talented.

My oh my where does the time go?
(My theory is into Iris’ chunky thighs.)

Baby girl is getting bigger by the minute and now that she is officially six months old, I feel like she’s turning into a little girl, rather than my dreamy little baby.

Here a few things Iris has been up to lately.

+ Rolling and rolling everywhere she wants to go. She tries to crawl, but only manages to scoot a little backwards (pretty frustrating for her).
+ She throws her arm up and down to wave “hi”.
+ Iris is eating like a champ! Besides bottles, she eats a fruit with oatmeal in the morning, a veggie in the afternoon, and we’ve started introducing her to fun snacks too. I never knew watching a baby try to put a little puff to her mouth would be so entertaining.
+ She weighs 18.7 pounds and is 27 inches long (still in the 90+ percentile for everything).
+ The amount smiles and laughter that come out of this girl is unreal. She really is such a happy baby. Of course, we have our share of the grumps too.
+ At six months she FINALLY started sleeping through the night. She was still waking up one to three times a night to eat, but after reassurance from our doctor, we finally decided it was time for her to give up all nighttime feedings. Even though I was hesitant, we tried the Cry It Out Method (which actually involved a lot less crying than I anticipated). She now sleeps between 10 to 12 hours straight every night. Halle-frickin-lujah.
+ Iris had her first overnight at Grandma’s house. My mom watched her while Todd and I had our first night out in well over a year. Note that this was BEFORE she slept through the night. Sorry, Mom.
+ She’s at the age now where it’s fun and pretty easy to bring her places. She goes from silly Iris, to serious Iris taking in all the sights and sounds (very quiet and very observant).
+ Overall, she is so sweet and so much fun. All I ever want to do is hang out with her, so blogging has definitely taken a backseat (as you can see).

Here are some of my favorite recent Instagram photos:

Iris with Ryan Mallet
We saw him at a restaurant & Tweeted to him. He wrote right back and said to bring Iris over to his table!

Trip highlights:

+ Staying with Kerri, Joel, & Penny who welcomed us with pretty much our own apartment upstairs – complete with a crib, changing table, and fresh Irises by the bed.
+ A trip the Memphis Zoo. I’ve been going to this zoo since I was a baby, so it was a big moment for me to bring my girl. Iris only cared about touching the fence posts though, not looking at the animals behind them.
+ Erin’s lovely baby shower in the charming town of Oxford and of course seeing Erin pregnant! I can’t believe our little circle of four girls are all moms now.
+ Baby Carhartt bloomers from Hillary.
+ Taking Iris to the coffeeshop where I worked for many years.
+ Getting tons of cute baby clothes from my pals. You woulda thought I was the one having a shower.
+ Iris pooping twice on the way home. We pulled over in Weiner, Arkansas to clean up where a train literally scared the — out of her.
+ Last but not least, swinging through Jonesboro, Arkansas on the way home to visit my dad and family.

Here are a few Instagram photos from our trip:

(You can visit my Bittersweet Styles shop here.)

Here are just a few items that are up for grabs… Enjoy!

Little Miss is now a whopping 17 weeks old. I seriously can’t believe the changes that have taken place in the last couple of months. Everyday she gets stronger, bigger, sweeter, and even louder. At her three month check up she weighed 14 pounds, 7 ounces and, after consulting my bathroom scale, I have a sneaking suspicion she’ll be around 16 and a half pounds at her four month visit on Valentine’s Day. Iris has been “talking” up a storm quite a bit. It’s so loud that you can’t hear anything over it. I’m interested to see if that translates to a talkative kid. Todd and I were both very shy when we were younger, so it would be funny if we end up with a chatterbox on our hands.

Probably the biggest thing that has happened since my last blog post is that Iris started daycare. She seems to be handling it just fine – it was me that had the hardest time with it. In fact, they tell me almost every day how happy she always is. Thankfully, it’s just down the street from my office, so I usually check in on her on my lunch hour. It’s a “learning center” so they have already started working with her to improve things like her strength and hand-eye coordination. She really is growing up fast – she grabs toys and her toes, can put lots of pressure on her leggies, laughs quite a bit, and is getting closer to sitting up by herself. One of the best things that has happened in the last month is that we are now on a real schedule, which is mostly important for our sleep (and sanity). Iris now sleeps in her crib from 7 pm to 7 am, waking only twice to eat. Not too shabby!

I have tons of photos that I still need to edit from my digital camera, but for now, here are some of my favorite Instagram shots. (And I promise to update more often).

Ms. Iris Adella…
● Is extra smiley in the morning, but not so much after naps.
● Has a bedtime routine which includes a bath (she’s quite the splasher) and story time (Night-Night Little Pookie is on repeat these days).
● Has been sleeping five hour stretches some nights.
● And has zombies for parents.
● While she’s been cooing a bit here and there, on her 8 week birthday she woke up a little chatterbox, making all sorts of sweet sounds.
● Miss Independent. Iris doesn’t always like being held. While she puts up with it, she makes it known that she’d rather be laying beside you rather than in your arms. It makes it a bit easier to do things around the house, but sometimes a momma just wants to cuddle.
● Her hair still hasn’t fallen out (I’m crossing my fingers that it’s here to stay). It’s growing fast and growing in lighter.
● She had her first Thanksgiving, in Tulsa with family.
● She didn’t care for tummy time until just this past Friday when she learned to roll over! She did it like six times in a row, so I was able to capture it on video.

Here are my Instagram photos from the last month or so…

Her first Christmas tree

Morning faces.

All packed up.

Not a fan of the creepy Christmas dogs at my office.

These are taken 7 weeks apart. Crazy.

Post bath curls & pout.

Dad, Iris, & guitar.

Unlike her mom, she looks good in hats.

Her first (light) snow!

Mom takes a lot of these.

Seven weeks old.

Memphis represent!

Hiccup face.

Grumpy face.

My little doll.

Kittens and bows.

Creepy cat.

6 and a half weeks.

Stacy made Iris a hat & blanket.

I loved it so much, she made me one too.

Our not-so-successful attempt at a matching hats pic.

Holy bed head.

This hair has a mind of its own.

Cute booty.

Iris meeting Bev.

Watching the game with Cousin Cole.

First road trip.

First Thanksgiving, with Poppy.

Too much turkey.

Damn straight. (six weeks)

Scrap booking.

Curly hair.

Lazy Sunday morning.

Outing to Lights of the Ozarks.

Dressed by Daddy.

Big cat, little lady.

Sleep stealer.

One month old with Mom (and her awesome sweatshirt)

My oh my, how fast that month went by!

Even though I had wanted nothing more than to deliver that baby, this was not the way I wanted it to happen. I started crying, mostly at the thought that something could be wrong. However, as soon as I was hooked up to the fancy machine upstairs, Iris started dancing around like usual. We passed the test within 10 minutes. Apparently Iris had just been sleeping before. Phew!

We left the hospital feeling a little jolted, but with a choice to make. We could induce labor on Monday, October 17th or Thursday, October 20th. Even though the doctor “preferred” the earlier date, we thought long and hard and decided on the later option in hopes that my body would be more prepared for a natural delivery. If I could avoid a c-section, I would be happy (or so I thought).

The next morning was a Friday, so I called my doctor and made it official before the weekend – “October 20th, please!” It felt really bizarre to make that phone call. It was like placing a reservation for dinner, rather than a baby. Friday was a big day for another reason too. I was still working full time, despite being past my due date, and decided that it would be my last day at the office before I started maternity leave. I was feeling every day of being pregnant by that point, but little did I know I was also feeling the beginnings of labor too…

Despite how I was feeling, I didn’t rest after work that evening. I still wanted to do whatever I could to get my body progressed for labor. Todd and I met up with friends to eat hot wings (I stepped it up and got the spicy level of “Acid Rain”) and then made the long hike to Bud Walton Arena to watch the Razorback basketball team.

Apparently hot sauce and Mike Anderson were the winning combination.

At 5 o’clock the next morning I awoke to a strong abdominal pain, which I quickly realized wasn’t just a stomach ache. Wondering if this was what a contraction felt like, I moved from our bed to the couch as to not wake Todd. Timing the waves of pain with an iPhone app, I realized that these were indeed contractions and that they were instantly five minutes apart, lasting a full minute each. We had been told not to head to Labor and Delivery until the contractions were 5 to 8 minutes apart for at least two hours, so I laid there timing them until about 7:30 am. At that point I woke up Todd and told him we should probably head to the hospital. He had his doubts. I think my mistake was not waking him in the first place, so he had no idea how intense or frequent my pain had been. I had my doubts too. “Surely this is just the beginning of labor and we’ll be sent home, right?” I thought. I grabbed my bags just in case.

Thankfully we live about five minutes away from the hospital, but as soon as we walked through the doors of Labor & Delivery, I burst into tears. They immediately got me situated so that they could check to see how far I had progressed. The doctor on call informed me I was already dilated to a SIX and fully effaced! That’s a major jump for just two hours of contractions. In a way I felt relieved because the entire time I was thinking, if these are just the beginning contractions, I don’t want to know what the real deal feels like. “Well, you’re having a baby today,” the doctor said. Cue tears again. Then cue the freak out after I asked if I would have time for an epidural. Maybe, the nurse said. MAYBE?!

I had progressed so fast that they guessed we would have the baby by noon (and it was almost 9:00 am at that point). I had to get into a room and receive an IV before I could have an epidural. Thankfully the sweet angel nurses hurried me into my own suite and got me situated right away. About an hour later I met my new best friend, the anesthesiologist. I hadn’t thought much about it leading up to delivery and I’m not scared of needles, so getting the epidural was actually no big deal. The hardest part was staying still through contractions, but other than that it didn’t really hurt and I immediately felt the benefits. “How do you feel?” asked the nurse. Pretty good, I responded. “Okay, great because you just had a huge contraction.” I had no idea. I instantly felt better about what was ahead.

As great as I felt, the epidural ended up being one of the best and worst things for me. One of the issues was that it slowed down my labor, so they had to start me on Pitocin to increase the contractions. It still took a while. Noon came and went, but finally at around 5 o’clock I was fully dilated to a ten and ready to start pushing. Unfortunately, that’s where another issue with the epidural came into play. My fear was that maybe it wouldn’t work and I would still feel pain, but I had the opposite problem – it worked too well. I pushed for two full hours with little progression. I couldn’t feel a thing, which hindered me in being able to tell what was working and what wasn’t. After two long, very hard hours, they decided to let me rest for a while. During the entire labor my face had been burning up and my entire body wouldn’t stop shaking. I was told that both of these were completely normal, but still – none of it was pleasant. Waiting an hour, chewing on ice chips (I hadn’t eaten anything since the hot wings the night before) was dreadful, but I needed the rest. Because my face was so hot and red, they checked my temperature and I had a very slight fever, so they treated me with antibiotics and Tylenol. At the time, I didn’t realize the implications this would hold.

Finally, about an hour later the doctor came in and we started pushing again. I have a sneaking suspicion that they turned down my epidural without telling me because this time I could feel pressure, but thankfully still no pain. The difference was immediate. The doctor sat with me for the next 45 minutes as I worked the baby further down. I’m pretty sure I was just a few pushes away from them suggesting a c-section, but the doctor didn’t give up on me and at 9:12 pm Iris Adella Gill was born.

She came out crying and giving a high five, as the doctor called it. Her hand was up by her head, which was probably another reason I had so much trouble. And speaking of her head, everyone immediately started talking about all of the hair she had. I couldn’t believe it either (for all of you who have heard that lots of hair leads to lots of heartburn during pregnancy, I never had any). They immediately put her on my chest and I said hello to my sweet baby girl. I think I asked a million times if she was healthy. My mom and Todd had been in the room for the delivery and reassured me that she was as perfect as she could be.

They were right. All nine pounds and fourteen ounces of her. When the nurse read the weight out loud, I was shocked. I always thought she would be big, but I didn’t anticipate her being just shy of ten pounds and 21 1/4inches long. Once they got us both all cleaned up, I nursed her for the first time before the guests from the waiting room came in to meet her.

It wasn’t long before the nurses were back in the room, needing to take Iris to the nursery to get poked and prodded. Todd and I probably should have used that time to rest, but it was impossible. As exhausted as we were, the excitement that we actually had our very own little baby was just too much. They brought her back in, wrapped up tight like a burrito and we maybe got about half an hour of sleep that night. I kept checking on her, making sure she was breathing (I’ve been assured that this is a new mom thing and completely normal).

The morning came quick, as did the pediatrician to go over everything with us. Expecting to hear all good things (she was perfectly healthy after all), I was not prepared for what the doctor had to say. Because I had been treated for a fever during labor, they wanted to treat Iris too – for SIX days. They already started giving her antibiotics with an IV attached to her tiny little hand. Saddest thing ever. When I realized that I would most likely be discharged withOUT my baby, I lost it. There was no way I was leaving that hospital without her. I would camp out in the lobby if I had to.

Thankfully, it never came to that. Iris was able to see two other pediatricians who both agreed that there was no reason to treat her any further. Apparently if you have a fever during labor, it could be caused by a uterine infection, which could potentially be transmitted to the baby. I never had an infection and just barely had a fever. Three hours of pushing and a 10 pound baby will do that to ya. Turns out, the first pediatrician was brand new and known for being overly cautious. By the time Iris was cleared, she had to stay one extra night. I still had to check out of my room, but they let Todd and I stay in a parent-child room right next to the nursery. As grateful as we were to not have to sleep in the lobby, the room was a serious downgrade from my earlier suite. We’re pretty sure they cleaned out the nurses’ secret nap room for us. It was tiny, with one twin bed and only one small window, which looked into the nursery (where the lights are always on). They told us not to take Iris on one side of the room because it was too close to the exit and an alarm might sound. Too bad that was the side of the room with the BED. The bathroom was dirty, the lights didn’t work, and the television was unwatchable. But we got to be with our baby, so it was all worth it.

I have never wanted to go home so bad in my life and after three nights, we were finally able to do so. Since I had already been discharged, I didn’t get the traditional wheel chair ride to the car, which as silly as it was, I was a little bummed about. The ride home still seems like a very bumpy blur, as were the next few days. The recovery for me was a lot worse than the labor and delivery, but I had a beautiful, healthy baby that made any amount of discomfort seem like an afterthought.

Everything in our lives shifted. There’s life before Iris, and life as it is now. Sleep deprived, yes. But it’s true what they say – I never knew a love like this existed. It’s a love that, despite being so big already, continues to grow with each smile and each fart (we receive plenty of both). I literally just stare at her and wonder how I can love something so much.

Iris Adella, you may be tiny, but you are my world.

* * * * *

As soon as I found out I was having a baby, I rushed to the bookstore and purchased what I’ve always heard is “the only pregnancy book you’ll need.” I picked up my copy of What to Expect When Expecting on my lunch hour and read the first chapter sitting in my car in the bookstore parking lot… all while inhaling Chick-fil-a (I was pregnant after all).

Throughout my pregnancy I not only read the book, but was addicted to the What to Expect iPhone app (okay, I was addicted to that and milkshakes). I tracked my pregnancy daily and the forums were – and still are – great for connecting with other new moms. Thanks to What to Expect, I actually feel like I know what I’m doing every once in a while and now I’m happy to be able to pass that along to two of my readers.

The nice folks at What To Expect have teamed up with me to host a giveaway featuring their must-have books for any momma or momma to be. They make excellent gifts too, so even if you’ve got no plans to wipe poo off butts any time soon, feel free to enter for a friend.

Two lucky winners will receive the following three books:

● What to Expect When Expecting
● What to Expect the First Year
● What to Expect the Second Year

How to enter:
Leave a comment telling me what part of pregnancy you have heard about or experienced that you did you not expect OR which book you are most excited about. Please make sure you include your email in the comment form.

Extra chances to win:
Mention the giveaway on Twitter up to three times per day (be sure to include @sarahfortune in your Tweet).

*Giveaway ends at 9:00 pm Central on Monday, December 5, 2011 and winners will be selected by Random.org*

I’ll leave you with this photo Todd snuck of me right after we found out the good news…